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Weekends are for family. What are your plans for this weekend? It’s late fall, but I still dream of summer adventures. The irony is, summer is my least favorite season, but with two children, it has become so much more fun. Having a daughter with severe motion sickness restricted us to the boroughs so here are a few of our summer adventures in NYC. Trekking to the Staten Island Zoo on the Staten Island Ferry . If you haven’t been, it’s worth it. It has its own aura that feels peaceful and truly family oriented. Brooklyn Children’s Museum . One of my daughters’ favorite places to go all year round. A visit to Coney Island. She went on almost every ride at Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park . For a kid with severe car sickness, I was amazed how excited she was to try almost every ride. A ferry ride to dumbo that resulted in ice cream from Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory and a not so successful attempt to get on Jane’s Carousel —it was a royal shit show. Our first baseball game at Yankee Stadium . The Medieval Festival at Fort Tyron Park with a visit to The Met Cloisters . And the most frequent of all, park visit every day, rain or shine. I miss summer as we plan for a more relatively chill weekend. It’s looking like a museum kind of day tomorrow with a visit to Nana’s house on Sunday. What did your summer look like?

I celebrated another year around the sun two days ago with the likes of Bill Gates and Julia Roberts. I tend to enjoy a more quiet birthday that involves a bathtub and some self reflection. This is my New Year. Instead, I spent it schlepping the kids to school with the help of the sitter, purchased a new dress, a new pair of shoes, a toy for each of my girls and some items to make Halloween costumes for the kids. I then ran home to meet with a friend to give her clothes my girls have outgrown and baked my cake. I then went back to pick up my girls. It was way too much for the day that was supposed to be about self reflection and relaxation. Nonetheless, over the last few days, I have gotten a chance to reflect on my successes and missteps. I am grateful to be able to live in this beautiful country in spite of everything going on politically and socially. I am thankful for health in spite of the fact that I have suffered with fibromyalgia for most of my life. I am thankful for my children, friends and mother who has been at my side for so many years. I have taken stock on my life, where I am and where I aspire to be. I am working on my one year, three year and five year goals, and creating a plan on how to execute each of them. As we know, a goal without a plan is a wish and that is not a world I wish to exist in. As I work on this, I will share with you the process and how one can accomplish goals in a way that can bring results. Having clear goals makes a world of a difference. I was told as a kid, be specific in your requests, so the only way to accomplish anything is having a clear vision and clear goals. Happy Wednesday and Happy Halloween. (Photo from Frank Warsaw )

If anything speaks to my soul and my life, it is the two phrases “Breathe” and “Stay Present.” It is not always easy to accomplish, but I live by these rules. As a mom of two under four, working a part-time job and in school full time, maintaining my sanity all around is crucial. Like most moms these days who have so much going on, it is important to make the best of these twenty-four hours—while still getting some sleep of course. This weekend, I am organizing my apartment. Sharing a moderately sized apartment—by NYC standards—with three other people is quite a lot. So I will be doing quite a bit of breathing while trying to clean, yet keep two little people entertained. So as many of you do your Saturday cleaning, take time to breathe and try to remain present with yourself and your respective families. Have a wonderful weekend. (Photo of sketch from the booklet “What to do if you experience: Emotional Stress or Burnout” courtesy of Baruch College Counseling Center Staff 2019, with special thanks and credit to Jordan Alam for her inspiration)

This past weekend, we made a last minute trip to NYC to see my mom and reunite my daughters with some of their childhood friends. It was wonderful and we all had a great time. As exciting as it has been moving to another city, we miss our community of friends and the relationships we nurtured for all these years before moving away. We encountered challenges, but with some effort, we have managed to maintain the important relationships, in spite of the physical distance.  One of the big challenges throughout this transition was maintaining balanced relationships. I did my very best to help preserve their friendships by organizing virtual play dates and video chats, but it felt like I was the only one reaching out to initiate these arrangements. I fell into the space of feeling that I was putting more effort into trying to maintain contact than they were. Nothing feels worse than when effort is not reciprocated, especially on behalf of your child whom the kids loved playing with. So I made the decision to preserve the relationships where parents participated and let the others evaporate. This was a true life lesson for the girls knowing that some people are only meant to be in their lives for a season.  For those who stayed, here’s how we have been able to keep those bonds with the kids, no matter the distance. 1. Both parties need to be invested I cannot emphasize this first point enough. Maintaining a long-distance friendship requires effort from both sides. Both parties (parents) have to be equally invested in keeping the connection alive. Avoid letting the relationship become one-sided, where one person is always initiating contact or making plans. This will make or break the relationship between the children. 2. Embrace Technology In today’s digital age, staying in touch is easier than ever. Video chat has been a great resource for the kids. Platforms like WhatsApp, Zoom, and FaceTime make it easy to have real-time conversations. It shortens the miles between us. We also share photos, videos, and updates to maintain a sense of closeness. 3. Schedule Regular Check-Ins Having a routine ensures that you stay connected and involved in each other. This could be a weekly video call, a monthly phone call, or even a virtual coffee date. Consistency helps maintain a sense of normalcy and ensures you don’t drift apart. I even scheduled virtual play dates. There were times when we got busy and miss those appointments, but by communicating these inconveniences we manage to quickly get back on track. 4. Plan Visits Whenever possible, plan visits to see each other. It could be for holidays, special occasions, or just because. Having something to look forward to can keep both of you excited about maintaining the friendship. 5. Adapt to Change Conversations with the girls have been crucial in this transition. We talk about how their lives will change over time, and so will their friendships. They are learning to be flexible and willing to adapt. They are realizing that sometimes, life events might make it harder to stay in touch as frequently as before, but this doesn’t mean the friendship is any less valuable. Maintaining long-distance friendships requires effort, commitment, and creativity. For children, that transition can be successful with the active participation of parents who understand that teaching their child to nurture these relationships is important. By leveraging technology, being intentional, and staying flexible, you can ensure that distance doesn’t diminish the bond you share. Remember, it’s the quality of your connection, not the quantity, that truly matters. What did you do to help your children maintain their relationships after moving?

What are your plans for the weekend? It’s been a long week for me. Between a sick child, and too many appointments, I barely made it to the end of the week with my head on, but I’m here. As you go into the weekend, I want you to remember something I have told myself from a young age. What people think of you is none of your business. This is not to say that some criticisms aren’t valid and that we can’t learn from those around us, but the opinions of others should not dictate the direction of your life, nor how you conduct yourself as an individual of great character and integrity. In someone’s story, you will always either be the villain or the angel. Yesterday, I was the villain to a guy who just quickly walked onto the crosswalk in the parking lot near Loews. I think he assumed I was going to knock him down, and shook his head as he walked past my car. Today I was the angel. I helped bag my groceries at Trader Joe’s, which I always do and enjoy. The cashier was so appreciative, gave me a one arm embrace and wished me a wonderful week. You can’t make everyone happy, but you can show kindness and respect to them. If this isn’t appreciated, keep it moving so that you can maintain your peace. That alone is priceless. Have a wonderful weekend of fun, laughter and joy, because you deserve it.

I sat on the Q train heading to work from my early morning math class. I get about half an hour to relax my mind before I get to work, so I either reflect on the things I can do to improve my life or totally blank out from my lack of sleep since July 2015. Today, I was blasting some of my newly discovered music, and I began to think. As a mother of daughters, the universe gave me major blessings, because it knew all my life experience and wisdom could be passed onto my girls. Growing up, I have always had a very close relationship with my own mother. She passed on so much wisdom to me, and one of the more pertinent gems she passed on was when she said “ Learn to let people go,” in her thick accent. At the time, I thought the advice was not exactly comforting, considering what I was going through. I was a teenager after all. My mother is the type whose words may not always seem like what you want to hear at the time, but it is really what you need. She really gives a jolt of perspective and context to difficult circumstances. Sometimes, a little too much of an optimist I might say. Nonetheless, she wanted me to understand that everything and everyone has a season. It was up to me to determine how long the season would last. Even though I have always had a strong sense of self from a young age, her advice wasn’t enough. It was something I needed to learn on my own. It required a journey of greater understanding only through experience. One of the the foundational elements of learning to let people go, whether it is by their desire to leave or you leaving, is knowing your self-worth. A break up is always difficult, but you need to eventually see the opportunity you’ve been given when a partner or friend leaves. Accept it and be thankful for the time served and the lessons learned. The universe may have done you a favor. When the school of life is your teacher, you cannot always predict the timing of these lessons and the severity of its impact. What you do have control of is your response to it. - Christopher Walken When you know that you are more deserving than what you have allowed, you desire change. Then, and only then will you require of others to give what you ask of or it’s time to release them. Another important aspect I needed to learn on my own is , healers attract broken people. Say it after me. Healers attract broken people . There tends to be the assumption that you attract what you give. That is not necessarily always the case. Opposites do attract and in most cases, healers try to fix broken people. It is not your job to fix a broken person, because it either depletes you or breaks you. Therefore, it is important to help build the foundation of self-worth and self-awareness from childhood. Teach them to articulate boundaries for others in their lives. Teach them to identify behaviors and personalities that can lead to toxic relationships on an age appropriate level. Teach them to trust themselves to know that not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life, and it is okay to let go. (Photo from Canva)

I love clean clothes, but I hate doing laundry. When I say I hate doing laundry. I mean it from the bottom of my soul which is exactly where all my laundry belongs. I’d rather watch paint dry, because every time I see a full laundry basket of clothes, my soul assumes the fetal position on said bathroom floor.  For the last two weeks, I had a pile of clean laundry sitting in one corner of my bedroom floor waiting to be folded, because I simply did not have the time or energy to do it. I know so many of us have been there, and that is okay from time to time, but we don’t want to make that a habit. Otherwise, this is where things can get out of control. So, here are some laundry strategies that might help if you don’t like doing laundry or just hate it. This strategy is also for people who have to go out to a laundromat, because let’s be real, we do not all have washer dryers at home. 1. Schedule laundry around your routine Now that I have a washer dryer at home, I can easily throw in a load while I do things like cooking or doing an activity with the kids. For people who have to go out, incorporate laundry on a day when you can really allocate the time to make it happen. I strongly encourage once a week whether you’re single or a larger family. 2. Fold right away The most important part after the washer and dryer have done their job is to fold immediately after. There is the temptation sometimes that you will get to it tomorrow, but I encourage you to do it while it’s warm. Plus who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of warm laundry. 3. Do smaller loads The sight of a big pile of laundry can be so discouraging, so you can try doing a load every two days if you have a washer dryer at home. For the laundromat crew, I would still say once a week, because that can be a whole event, but if possible, try twice a week. This can help you feel less overwhelmed and make laundry part of your normal routine. 4. Use baskets  There are a few things I refuse to fold, especially for my kids. I do not fold my kids’ pajamas, but simply throw it in a basket. We also have baskets for underwear and socks, which they have to match themselves. You can opt out of matching socks quite honestly. As long as the right size goes to the right person, the will figure it out. It also doesn’t matter how many people I watch who beautifully fold underwear and socks, I will never be that person. I fold the things that need folding. 5. Get the kids involved Kids need to learn how to be responsible for their things in small ways. Yesterday, I handed my 8 year old daughter a small pile of dresses and some hangers and asked that she arrange it. She did an excellent job. They also help with the sorting of laundry sometimes and my younger daughter also helps in the matching of the socks. It may seem like something small, but it is a great way to get them involved. The less complicated the better it is for those of us who like clean clothes, but altogether do not like this process. Maybe one day, we will actually enjoy doing laundry, but for now, let's do what is needed to keep our families clean.

Have you had the unfortunate experience of getting an unexpected friend request that you should have immediately deleted? Instead, you decided to respond against your better judgment and now you’re reminiscing the past where he calls you the love of his life. You’re now wondering why it took so many years. You wanna call bullshit on it , but you keep going along with it to see how far he goes, because you're also caught up in the nostalgia. Then he proves once again why he needed to stay in the past. This was me. I know how difficult it is to let go of someone you loved, shared hopes and dreams with at one point in your life, only to have it come to an end. Here are the five things I wish I had done when my ex reached out: 1. Take a breath and evaluate my feelings. When that message popped up in my inbox, my initial reaction was a mix of surprise and curiosity. Instead of diving headfirst into responding, I should have taken a moment to breathe and evaluate how I truly felt about reconnecting with him. I thought about the outcome of the other times that he reached out to me that were not in any way productive, but totally disregarded that warning. I never to took the time to ask myself, was I emotionally ready to do this again? Do I still have unresolved feelings? Was I ready to be vulnerable with this person again? Taking stock of my emotions would have helped me approach the situation with a bit more clarity. 2. Consider the Motivation Behind Their Message. This is a big one. At the onset of our conversations, I pondered on whether he was genuinely interested in reconnecting as friends or he wanted to explore the possibility of getting back together? Or was it a moment of loneliness or nostalgia on his part? I was so caught up in the whirlwind of his presence and the fact that we both discussed exploring the possibility of a relationship, that I did not do my due diligence. I never considered whether engaging in these conversations aligned with my current life goals and my emotional well-being. I wish I had considered that a bit more before delving into that situation. 3. Trusted my gut. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with a person who said he wanted to rekindle a relationship that he thought was meant to be, but I did not do enough protect my heart. I think he enjoyed knowing that I wanted him as much as he wanted me, but the actions were not consistent. I expected some delay in communication (due to the nature of his work), but not to the extreme of what happened. At some point, I got the distinct sense that he was pulling away from me. I was no longer a priority, even though he kept reassuring me that this was not the case. I wanted to trust him, but I had to admit to myself that this was going nowhere. I was heart broken, but justified in what I felt was happening. 4. Sought perspective from trusted friends or counselors from the beginning. I kept what was happening a secret from everyone for a while. I thought it was my way of waiting to see what the outcome would be before seeking advice, but doing it earlier would have helped give me a better perspective. I had one friend who recommended walking away for reasons I can’t remember, but I chose to dismiss her thoughts. Boy was she right. She heard something I didn’t because shortly after, I had to call it quits.  5. Focus on personal growth. Receiving a message from an ex can stir up old emotions and memories. I allowed his presence to  consume my thoughts, when I should have been focusing on my personal growth. All I envisioned was a future with him thinking that’s what I needed, but instead, I needed to center my own life's journey. I needed to focus on my personal growth. Reflecting on these points, I realize that responding to an ex reaching out on Facebook is not just about the immediate conversation but also about honoring my own emotions and well-being. Each situation is unique, and taking proactive steps to understand my feelings, trust my gut, and focus on my own well-being is crucial to navigating such delicate moments with grace and clarity.

Yesterday, my daughter was practicing her anime art which she started about three weeks ago. She paused for a moment and said to me, " My brain keeps saying I need my drawing to be perfect, but I know it doesn't have to be ." That hit me like a ton of bricks, because I know I have battled with my need for perfection much of my adult life and have eliminated it from my parenting style. We talk about mistakes being good and how failing allows us to become better, but my daughter feels the need for perfection. At that moment, I thought of the many ways we seek perfection. Imperfection is where true beauty and creativity resides. Life is so often portrayed as a quest for perfection - flawless Instagram feeds, aesthetically pleasing homes, and impeccable lifestyles dominate our screens. However, in this pursuit of flawlessness, we tend to forget one essential truth: imperfection is where true beauty resides. Let's delve into the art of embracing life's messiness and discover the profound beauty that lies within imperfection. The Illusion of Perfection In today's world, there is pressure to have it all together or at least look like you do, even though your world may be falling apart. That feeling is overwhelming and can even be anxiety inducing for so many. Striving to present a polished image to the world and meticulously curating our lives to fit into neat little boxes can be a major disservice to who we are. So what if we challenge this status quo? What if we dare to embrace the beautiful chaos that comes with imperfection? Our lives may be a mess at times, but it is our beautiful mess that can be cherished for where it is at that moment. Finding Freedom in Imperfection Embracing imperfection is not about settling for less; it's about finding freedom in authenticity. In embracing imperfection, we release the need to constantly strive for unattainable perfection, allowing ourselves space to breathe, learn, and evolve without fear of judgment. It opens doors to creativity and innovation, as we embrace experimentation and risk-taking without the paralyzing fear of failure. It's in our vulnerabilities, our quirks, and our failures that our true essence shines through. Embracing Life's Unpredictability Life is messy, unpredictable, and beautifully imperfect. It's in the unexpected twists and turns that we find the most profound moments of growth and self-discovery. It encourages us to relinquish the illusion of total control and instead find beauty in the spontaneity and surprises that each day brings. By embracing life's messiness, we open ourselves up to a world of endless possibilities and opportunities. We are empowered to live more fully and to cherish the journey as much as the destination. The Beauty in Flaws Flaws are not weaknesses; they are what make us unique and human. Just like a piece of art is more interesting with a few imperfections, our lives become richer and more colorful when we embrace our flaws. It's okay to have bad days, to make mistakes, and to stumble along the way. In those moments, we learn, we grow, and we evolve. Flaws invite empathy and connection, encouraging us to see beyond the surface and to embrace the profound beauty that lies within the imperfect, the unique, and the real. Cultivating Resilience Through Imperfection Embracing imperfection is not always easy. It requires resilience, self-compassion, and a willingness to let go of control. But in this journey of self-acceptance, we build inner strength, courage, and a deep sense of empathy towards ourselves and others. Imperfection becomes our greatest teacher, guiding us towards a more fulfilling and authentic life. Letting Go of Perfectionism Perfectionism can drive us towards excellence but it can also lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and burnout. Uncontrolled perfectionism can be harmful to your mental health in ways that can be crippling and prevent progress. By letting go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves from unrealistic expectations and open the door to self-love and acceptance. It liberates us from fear of judgment, empowering us to take risks and pursue our passions wholeheartedly. Imperfection is not a sign of failure; it's a celebration of our humanity. Embracing Imperfection Every Day Embracing imperfection is a daily practice, a conscious choice to be kinder to ourselves and embrace the messy, beautiful journey of life. So let's raise a toast to our flaws, our quirks, and our imperfections - for they are what make us perfectly imperfect. In conclusion, life's messiness is not something to be feared or avoided; it's a gift to be cherished and embraced. Imperfection is where the magic happens, where authenticity thrives, and where true beauty shines through. So let's take a deep breath, let go of perfection, and revel in the beauty of life's glorious imperfections. Embrace imperfection, celebrate authenticity, and live life to the fullest - for the messy, imperfect moments are often the most beautiful ones. Let's paint our lives with all the colors of imperfection and create a masterpiece that is uniquely ours. Join us in embracing imperfection and discovering the beauty in life's messiness!

Yesterday was the last day of June and for the first time in years, my kids slept in. I would like to keep this momentum going for every summer weekend, but I know that is wishful thinking. The girls are not doing summer camp this year, so I want to give them as close to my childhood experience of summer that I can. There wasn't much happening in the small Caribbean village I grew up in, but I could always guarantee that I would enjoy playing with the neighborhood gang, getting lost in long blades of grass, climbing up my neighbor's guava tree, and walking around the neighborhood to pick up more friends for our wild excursions. I mean, who was supervising us? Answer. No one, but we somehow managed to get home safely before that street lights came on. Anything later meant we were in trouble, and none of us wanted that.  I can't replicate the very liberal play time I had growing up, but we plan on having a balance of very leisurely chill activities along with the days of excitement. Here are 7 chill things that we hope to do this summer: 1. Lots of family walks. Whether it be a sunrise or sunset walk, once the time is available we are out there. My older daughter loves family walks, especially when dad can join us at sunset. We will stop at the playground nearby and be as silly as possible while swinging away. 2. Play card games. We recently got into playing UNO, which we all love. Now that everyone has gotten the hang of it, we play once a day. The girls are still learning to properly hold their seven cards, but they look forward to it every day. We will definitely learn a few more games before summer ends. 3. Visit some waterfalls. New York state has some amazing waterfalls. I discovered Cohoes Falls , the second largest waterfall in New York state on the Mohawk River, literally in my backyard and there are so many more. We also hope to see Niagara Falls , Rainbow Falls in Watkins Glen State Park and Buttermilk Falls at Buttermilk Falls State Park among a few others (don't you just love the names?). 4. Watch some of the shows/movies of my childhood. I have a running list of shows and movies that I want my girls to watch, many of which they can't watch yet, but I have started. My 9 year old loves Pinky and the Brain and Tom and Jerry, which surprised me and my 7 year old had to take two tries at Matilda (1996) to appreciate the comedy in the principal swinging the little girl by her pig tails. The reaction was priceless, because she yelled, "That is abuse" (Lol). I will never forget it. So hopefully, we can start Full House this week. 5. More self care. During the school year, it was hard trying to incorporate self-care along the lines of manicures and pedicures at home, and massages which are great for kids. So this summer, more self care and relaxation for all of us. 6. Visiting farmers markets and local farms Around here, there are so many farms and farmers markets. Wej just want to check out the ones with chill vibes, get our taste testing on, get some farm raised poultry and dairy, and bring home a plant or two, or five or ten. 7. No plans days. Those are the best. Nothing beats a day where you're like a leaf in the wind. Whatever the day brings, we're up for it. We might cook or order some food. We might watch a movie or two, and I might let the girls enjoy Roblox for more than 45 mins. Ahhhhh. The good life. So yes! All we want is some good chill vibes, because me and my old lady activities which I quite enjoy would like to maintain this energy till the summer ends.