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Growing up, my skin was at the forefront of my mind. I was the child who had a severe skin reaction that left me with post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH) . The quickest way for anyone to tear me down my spirit and self-esteem for just about anything was to comment on the dark spots on my skin. It became a common thing, to the point where a teacher and family member of mine would point it out as a way to get me back in line for any small indiscretions on my part. I had a fairly good childhood, but the memories of adults and children commenting on something I had no control over left me deep emotional wounds. It took years and almost well into my late twenties to heal. I was jealous of everyone who had great skin . I always wondered in my younger years, " Why do I have to deal with this? " Of course, that did absolutely nothing. I became fixated on trying to not have my skin noticed, but also very early on tried to not make it a big issue. I mean, what choice did I have?! I lived on a hot tropical island till my late teens, so there was no option to cover up completely. I saw every dark spot, every look and had to politely answer every question to quickly shut down every conversation. My skin didn't stop me from wearing a swimsuit and enjoying the beach as much as my friends, but it surely made me hyper aware of others' judgments, and to avoid that, I dressed to cover my legs as much as possible. As I got older and moved away from my home country to the US, I must say I was happy to have a fresh start. Living in the northeast with three quarters of the year spent in clothing that covers most of the body, I was happy. I no longer felt the anxiety that I once had, because there was nothing to see. This allowed me to find treatments for my skin to reduce the hyperpigmentation. It was a time of trial and error and even body make up to feel better about wearing that knee length dress. I had never worn short shorts in my life and it took till my mid twenties to try on and wear out in public my first pair of shorts. They say your brain doesn't full mature till about twenty-five. Well, that was right around the time that I came to the conclusion that I did not have to live in perpetual anxiety or in fear of the judgment of others. As much as I enjoy a more conservative style, I was ready to let go and feel free to wear what I like in spite of the length. By that time my skin had gotten significantly better, and if it required a small brush of body powder, so be it. I just knew that I was no longer willing to be restricted by something that once caused me so grief. One outfit at a time , I slowly began to build my confidence in my appearance. My self esteem is not completely tied to my appearance, but it is a contributing factor. We all care about how we look and to say the opposite is a clear untruth. I just had to realize that it was okay to make modifications to better ourselves for our own acceptance. I am happy to have arrived at that place in my mid twenties, because I know how a negative self image can damage one's spirit. As a mother of two little girls, I do everything I can to build their confidence and teach them that the best love is radical self-love. If not for me, at least for them. What self esteem issues did you or do you struggle with or have overcome?

Motherhood was not something I ever really thought about in my late teens to late 20s. My priority  as a babysitter was to give my best self to the children I cared for. I worked with my last family for almost seven years and it was a career that became a valuable training ground for the most important role of my life: motherhood. Looking back, I realize that many of the skills and insights I gained have been instrumental in shaping my approach to parenting. Transitioning from a babysitter to a parent is a journey filled with surprises, revelations, and growth. I thought I had a solid grasp on what parenting, but becoming a mother has expanded my knowledge in unexpected ways. Here are five unexpected lessons I learned along the way that have shaped my approach to parenting and enriched my family life. 1. Routine Isn't Just About Structure-It's about Security As a babysitter, I understood that children thrived on routines. I followed nap schedules, mealtime norms, and playtime activities to keep things predictable and manage expectations. However, I didn't fully appreciate until I became a parent how deeply ingrained routines are in providing emotional security. Once I had my own children, I saw firsthand how routines do more than just organize the day—they offer a sense of stability that helps children feel safe and confident. Routine helps minimize anxiety and provides a framework within which children can thrive. It’s not merely about adhering to a schedule but about creating a consistent environment that makes children feel secure and valued. For instance, maintaining a regular bedtime routine has proven to be crucial for my children’s sleep patterns and overall mood, reinforcing their sense of stability. That sense of security also extends to parents as caregivers. As a nanny/babysitter, my schedule hardly ever went up to bedtime with my charges, but as a parent, I got to see how rewarding something like a consistent bedtime is to the well being of parents. It provided a consistent schedule where I can devote time for my nightly home routine and self-care after a long day of being with my children. That was an immense benefit to my overall wellness, especially as a working parent with little help . 2. The Power of Empathy Goes Beyond Listening The philosophy of my life is to lead with empathy . I carry this belief in everything I do, especially working in childcare. I often practiced empathy by trying to understand the children’s feelings and concerns. I knew that acknowledging their emotions was important, but it wasn’t until I became a parent that I realized how deeply empathy impacts parenting. My level of empathy seemed to have activated on a much deeper level when I became a parent. I became infinitely aware that empathy in parenting is more than just listening—it’s about actively engaging with your child’s emotional world. It means recognizing when your child is feeling overwhelmed or upset and responding with compassion and understanding. This approach fosters a strong, trusting relationship and helps children feel valued. It also teaches them to be empathetic towards others. Through daily interactions, I’ve learned that understanding and validating my children’s emotions helps them navigate their feelings and builds their emotional intelligence. 3. Patience is More Than a Virtue-It's a Necessity Caring for children taught me the virtue of patience and the power of resilience, especially during challenging moments. It requires a calm demeanor and the ability to adapt to unexpected situations. Reacting impulsively or with frustration only escalated the situation, while a patient approach allowed me to handle challenges more effectively. As a nanny/babysitter, I usually acted as a support system for an overworked and sometimes overwhelmed parents, so I was usually the safe space for the children. I could not anticipate the magnitude to which my children can tests my patience. Overall, I thought I was a very patient person, but when you're a parent, especially a stay at home caretaker with little support or outlets to decompress patience can start to diminish. In moments like being asked endless questions from toddlers to managing the emotional ups and downs of preteens, patience becomes more than just a helpful trait—it’s a fundamental necessity. I’ve learned that staying calm and collected in stressful moments can sometimes be very difficult, but it is crucial. Patience allows me to handle conflicts more effectively and model emotional control for my children, turning potentially volatile situations into opportunities for teaching and growth. 4. Creative Problem-Solving is Essential Daily In my babysitting days, I often had to come up with creative solutions to keep children entertained or resolve conflicts. I once had a kid stick two small rocks up his nose. Don't ask me how I got it out, but we managed to remove them from his nostril. I thought this was just about managing specific situations, but as a parent, I’ve discovered that creative problem-solving is an everyday necessity. I frequently joke that if my kids are alive with little to no emotional and psychological damage, I did very well that day, because tomorrow is another day. Parenthood frequently presents unique challenges, from dealing with picky eaters to managing sibling rivalry. Applying creative problem-solving skills has helped me approach these challenges with flexibility and innovation. For instance, I turn nightly prayers into a musical performance for my kids so that they now look forward to practicing gratitude routinely. Creativity allows me to adapt to my children’s evolving needs and keeps our family life dynamic and engaging. 5. Self-Care Isn't a Luxury-It's a Requirement As a babysitter, I was focused on caring for others while still being able to take excellent care of myself. My job did not consume my life so I always prioritized self-care. I assumed that those same standards of care would be attainable even when I became a parent. Unfortunately, I had a rude awakening trying to walk the fine line of caring for the ones I love while taking care of myself, especially when my kids were younger. I did not realize how hard it would be to maintain everything, but at some point, I came to the realization that self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s essential for effective parenting. Taking time for myself—whether through exercise, hobbies, or simply resting—is crucial for maintaining my well-being. When I neglect my own needs, I find it harder to be present and patient with my children. Prioritizing self-care has not only improved my mood and energy levels but also enhanced my ability to be a supportive and engaged parent. I’ve learned that by caring for myself, I’m better equipped to care for my family. The transition from babysitter to parent is filled with unexpected lessons and growth. While my babysitting experience provided a solid foundation, it was through the daily realities of parenting that I truly understood the depth of these lessons. Reflecting on these insights, I’m grateful for the experiences that have shaped my journey as a mother . Each lesson has contributed to creating a nurturing and supportive environment for my children. As I continue to learn and grow, I carry these lessons with me, knowing that they will guide me through the joys and challenges of raising a family . (Photos Unsplash/ Jurien Huggins )

I own a 2014 Chevy sedan and that means technology is lacking severely. I had to purchase a wireless FM transmitter and car charger to get us into modern times. Prior to the purchase, we listened to the radio for a few days, but after I bought the transmitter the girls wanted me to play DJ while driving. I wanted no part of that, nor did I want to listen to the argument that would eventually erupt about music choices if I handed them the phone in the back seat. I came to the conclusion that we will be listening to the radio in my car. We fell in love with one station, and the girls love most of the music they play. I am talking about the music of my childhood from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s and almost every genre. Some of their favorites songs come from Spandau Ballet ( True ), Bon Jovi ( You Give Love a Bad Name), Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes ( I’ve Had the Time of my Life) , Prince ( Kiss ), Britney Spears ( Baby One More Time ) among many others. They’ve also told me to bring the volume down a couple of times in utter disgust with some songs, but seeing them appreciate the music I grew up on reinforced my belief that children should listen to as many different genres of music as possible. Dad’s favorite genre is country music, reggae, calypso and great ballads, while I am a full fledged R&B head of the 90s and early 2000s along with hip hop of that era, soca, bluegrass, house music, classical music, old school dancehall and some rock music. They hear it all. My girls are currently obsessed with Daniel Jang , especially since my older daughter is going to play the violin in the next school year. He serves as background music for us during dinner. In a time where streaming services allow children to gravitate towards familiar sounds and playlists, it can inadvertently create musical echo chambers. The humble radio, on the other hand, too often overlooked in the digital era, presents a unique opportunity for children to expand their musical horizons. Here’s why children should embrace the radio to enhance their knowledge and appreciation of diverse music. 1. Exposure to a Variety of Genres Streaming services algorithms recommend music based on previous listens, which often leads children to stick to the same genres and artists. The radio, however, offers a curated experience by DJs who play a mix of music from different genres, eras, and cultures. This diversity can introduce children to new sounds and styles they might not encounter otherwise. This exposure broadens their musical palette and helps them appreciate the vast landscape of music. 2. Educational Content and Insights Many radio stations, especially public and educational ones, provide context and commentary about the music they play. DJs and hosts often share interesting anecdotes, historical contexts, and behind-the-scenes stories about artists and songs. This information enriches the listening experience and transforms passive listening into an engaging educational activity. 3. Encourages Active Listening Streaming services often promote passive listening, where music serves as background noise while doing other activities. Radio, however, encourages active listening, as children tune in to hear what's next. This anticipation can enhance their listening skills and attention spans. Active listening helps children develop critical thinking skills. It also cultivates patience and curiosity. 4. Community Connection Radio stations often serve as a voice for local communities, highlighting regional artists, events, and news. Listening to local radio can help children feel more connected to their surroundings and develop a sense of community pride. They might learn about upcoming concerts or cultural festivals, fostering a greater desire to engage with their community. 5. Cultivating a Balanced Media Diet Just as a balanced diet is essential for physical health, a balanced media diet is crucial for intellectual and cultural development. Streaming services limit exposure to new and diverse content, therefore, integrating radio into children’s media consumption habits provides a counterbalance to the algorithm-driven selections of streaming platforms. This helps cultivate well-rounded individuals with diverse tastes and knowledge. 6. Reducing Screen Time Children are increasingly glued to screens, so listening to the radio allows them to engage with audio content without the need for visual stimulation. This promotes better mental and physical health. Reducing screen time can improve sleep and enhance focus. While streaming services offer convenience and customization, they can also limit children’s exposure to new and diverse sounds. Therefore, encouraging children to listen to the radio can broaden their musical horizons, enrich their knowledge, and foster a deeper appreciation for the art form. By integrating radio into their media diet, we can help them become well-rounded individuals with a rich and diverse understanding of music. So, next time you’re looking for something to listen to, consider tuning in to the radio. (Photos from iStock by Skynesher )

When my partner proposed to me 12 years ago, the only place I thought of getting married, was at City Hall. Simple and easy just the way we like it. The whole experience was unlike any other. Just being in a waiting area surrounded by so many couples dressed down or up, but all here for the same reason. Here are some of the photos that will live on forever… The day On a rainy and relatively warm December day in 2012, we made our way to city hall in Manhattan. We actually had to make a stop to get our rings in downtown Brooklyn that were ready on that day. With my mom we made it to lower Manhattan to be meet our second witness and the photographer. Afterwards, we all went to Tartinery Nolita Restaurant Bar Café, for a great meal. How did I find a dress and decide on flowers ? I hunted for a dress to exhaustion and finally found a DVF store in SoHo a few days before our wedding. It was paired with a pair of off-white Anne Klein shoes and a bouquet of roses and hydrangeas that I bought from a quaint flower shop on John Street in Tribeca. Hydrangeas were always going to be part of the bouquet. What do you remember most about that day? Exiting the building and realizing that it was still raining. I am a pluviophile. There is nothing more soothing than rain and rainy days. It felt like the ultimate blessing. I also enjoyed just getting home and just laying in bed once the festivities were over. If you had a city hall wedding, share your best part of the experience. (Photos by Erneil Johnny )

Well, I have tried my utmost best to shut that moment in time out of my mind to the point that I have forgotten the year. It may have been 2006 or 2007. My best friend and I stopped speaking to each other and it broke my heart. We were supposed to meet a classmate for dinner in Tribeca, NYC. We made arrangements to meet at an Indian restaurant opposite the Whole Foods on Greenwich Street. I tried my hardest to give the most detailed directions to get there. It proved to be very hard at the time for her, so she never made it to dinner. The phone call requesting for further directions was the last one we would have for another few years. You may be reading this and thinking. What?! What happened?! In all honesty nothing other than what I said to you. We were great friends. We have been friends from twelve years old; share birthdays a day apart, we talked about any and everything, we never argued, we anticipated each other’s thought, we were always thoughtful and respectful to each other. We showed each other kindness and concern, and this happened. I refused to call her and she did the same. I have to admit that I was going through a rough time in my then relationship. I was dating someone who wasn’t considerate of my feelings. I was getting tired. I was at a place where I felt I was trying to meet everyone half way and no one was making the effort for me. All of this had nothing to do with her. Not a single thing. All it would have required was a phone call, but instead it became a rift that lasted for years, because we were both too stubborn to reach out. As the years passed, I thought about the birthdays I missed and what she was doing. Was she dating someone new? Is she married? I hope everything is well with her family. I hope she is doing great. I never forgot my best friend even though it felt like we completely ghosted each other. I was supposed to be the godmother to her children and her to mine. I didn’t think we would ever get back into each other’s lives. Then one day, I opened up my messenger inbox and saw a message from her. My heart skipped a beat. I missed her so much and I was happy to see that she had thought of me over the years that we did not speak. We agreed to just put that rather tragic day aside and meet up with each other. It was a hot summer day when we decided to call a truce. She was wearing a boldly printed skirt and her hair was in a huge Afro. I can’t remember what I was wearing. We walked to each other and just hugged. We did not skip a beat. We talk like we had never lost that time. There was no anger or animosity, because the circumstances under which we stopped talking wasn’t major. There was no need to discuss anything, but rather make up for lost time. All I knew in that moment was I would never let this happen again. I felt silly that I had participated in letting this trivial incident cause us to lose so much time with each other. Nonetheless, it worked out fine. Two days ago, I sat in therapy, and came to a sad realization. As honest as I am in my friendships and relationships, I do not like confrontations. I would prefer to lose a friendship than have an extremely uncomfortable conversation where I am trying to convince someone to see things from my perspective, or to understand my thought process. It is deathly uncomfortable for me to the point that I would prefer to stay silent than speak up. This is why I lost my friendship. It wasn’t because of the misunderstanding, but rather that I refused to address a small problem. She was worth the argument, but at the time, I chose to disengage in a way that hurt us both. Aren’t I glad for the gift of time and healing?! The ability to reconnect and rebuild. I am so happy that I did not lose my best friend forever. We’re in such a great place as we have been for the last couple of years. What I do know is I will never let that happen again. I am older and wiser. I will confront the issue, have the uncomfortable conversation and move past it. Have you ever experienced a friendship break up?

Some things are better left unsaid, but it seems that for people with chronic illnesses, we hear a lot. Statistics show 6 in 10 adults in the US have a chronic disease . That is more than half the adult population, yet so many people are not well informed about chronic or invisible illnesses. When interacting with people who do not have a chronic illness, some of the statements may be well-intentioned, but the delivery is so poor, it creates a barrier. It is important then to look at some of this language and really try to see where that comes from. There is a need for more mindfulness and empathy when it comes to those afflicted with a chronic illness. Here are 5 examples of the kinds of interactions that happen frequently to people with invisible illnesses, and how the conversation can be turned around to show more empathy. 1. “I think it’s all in your mind.” What we hear: “You need a psychologist or psychiatrist." I am a staunch advocate for therapy, but when chronic illness flares happen, it’s not in our heads. Having someone say that makes you question whether it may be in your head. It took me almost 13 years to get diagnosed, because a doctor said that to me when my symptoms started at 13 years old. Having a friend or loved one say that has a similar effect. It is really not the place of anyone without a medical license to question that. Instead: “I hear you and I hope you get the answers that you need.” 2. “It could be worse.” What we hear: “At least you’re not dying.” or “Stop complaining.” I’m even guilty of using this one on myself. There is a reason why people with chronic illnesses are more susceptible to mental health issues. Living in constant pain is horrible and it epigenetically alters the brain. Even though we’re not dying from a visible illness, the degree of pain, isolation, anxiety and all the other issues that come with having a chronic illness are horrible. Try not to invalidate very real pain that is happening. Instead: “I am here to listen if you want to talk” or “It has to be difficult dealing with the pain.” 3. “You should try…. It worked for me” We hear: “You haven’t tried everything to make this go away. It’s your fault.” This one gets to me the most. Because the idea is that people with chronic illnesses just sit there and do nothing to better the situation. Even worse is that as people keep talking and go through the list of things like yoga, changing your diet, and a plethora of holistic approaches, you just keep praying they get off their soap box and maybe just ask questions instead. What worked for you may not work for someone else. Instead: “What have you tried that gives you relief?” or “Have you spoke to your doctor about alternatives?” You can say “If there is an activity you want to try, I can join you.” 4. You’re probably just stressed We hear: “You’re not good at managing your life.” “You did this to yourself.” Everyone has stress, but not everyone has a chronic illness. That statement comes from a place of a lack of empathy, and it really comes off as a way to dismiss the sufferer. It is honestly annoying, especially when you are keeping your stress level down, or you can’t help the amount of stress that is present in your life. It really places all the blame on the individual. No one wants to be blamed for their stress, because some of these factors may be fully outside of your control. Instead: “How can I help?” or “That must be hard to deal with.” 5. “You don’t look sick” What we hear: “Are you sure this is real?”“Are you faking being sick?” “Do you just want sympathy?” Being sick has to be correlated with looking sick for it to seem real for most people. Much of it is a lack of information. Some of it is purely people set in their idea of what sickness looks like. Can we blame them? At the same time, you know your body best, so you don’t need to prove to friends and family that what you experience is real. No one would walk up to someone who has experienced some trauma and say, “You don’t look sick.” Instead: “ Tell me how I can help” or “I may not know everything about your illness, but I would like to know more.” Like most people with an illness that still isn’t fully understood, we’d prefer if you would ask questions, rather than give unsolicited advice. It’s okay to not always have the right words, but also hold back on the assumption that the sufferer hasn’t or isn’t doing enough to improve the effect of chronic disease. Do you suffer with a chronic illness? Share some of the worst things people have said to you?

The holidays are fast approaching and the season of giving is upon us in full swing. The simplest reminders of this festive time is the chill in the air, my need to indulge in Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday movies, the baking that is already taking place in my tiny kitchen and the constant smell of hot cocoa and peppermint candy. The pinnacle of it all is decorating our home and adorning it with Christmas lights. This tradition truly captures the essence of the season and brings a sense of warmth and joy that nothing else quite compares to. Christmas time has long been designated as the season of selfless giving. I do not know when it became synonymous with simply bestowing gifts unto our loved ones—lavish or inexpensive—but it is a cultural practice that many people enjoy. While giving might go into overdrive at this time of year, it is important to remember why we should give to others throughout the year and build a giving culture. Giving is more than just a physical transaction; it is a profound act that encompasses mental, social, and spiritual exchanges. Whether a gift is a tangible item or an intangible gesture like spending time with someone, the core of giving lies in the thoughtfulness, love, and concern that one person extends to another. This is the true essence of the act, and it’s what makes giving so special. Here are three core aspects of authentic altruism that is geared toward empowering others: 1. It must be done selflessly and with no agenda.  In a world where everything is publicized and done sometimes simply to garner recognition, very little is private anymore. The focus should not only be on your act of kindness, but also how the receiver will accept your kind gesture. There should never be an agenda, otherwise the act is reduced to a mere exchange, rather than an opportunity to build a connection of community built on compassion. 2. It must be done with no expectation of being reciprocated.  Giving fulfills a social and community responsibility. Those who have more have the opportunity to bless those with less or those who cannot reciprocate. Some culture don't have a word for "Thank you," because acts of kindness in the form of giving is the expectation. Growing up in a culture where kindness, generosity and bartering are expected from those around us, giving is the order of community; it not a merely a transactional language. So give even when there may not be a thank you and outside the constraints of a mutually beneficial relationships . 3. Know you're planting seeds.  What really happens in giving is that we are planting seeds that need to be nurtured in order to foster relationships. By giving, you're also receiving. You may give time, or even a simple material object and realize that it helps in developing a relationship. As mentioned before, it is not the material object, but the thought and time put into considering the individual. As we go into the weekend, keep these three things in mind, and the art of giving becomes easier, because a giver is also a receiver, and a receiver a giver. I know this may sound idealistic, but practicing these core principles can really enlighten you on the purpose of giving. Find joy in giving. (Photo credit,  @krystynwhitty  via  Black Girls With Gardens )

I have never mentioned the name Santa Claus in my house. My older daughter is four years old and she knows nothing of a jolly man, with a big belly coming down the chimney to put her Christmas gifts under the tree. My girls have never taken a picture at a mall sitting on Santa’s lap, and I don’t ever plan on doing it. I know what you’re thinking. My children will be missing out on their childhood and having something to believe in. I just believe Christmas can be magical without the concept or belief in Santa Claus. It is just as special without me getting them to believe that receiving a gift is dependent on how ‘good’ they are throughout the year and a fictional character will be the one delivering it. Here is the thing. I grew up on an island where the idea of Santa Claus coming down a chimney, couldn’t remotely be part of my reality, because we had no chimneys. It’s not even real for so many kids in the United States or any developed country, because even right here in my tiny Brooklyn apartment, there is no chimney. I didn’t enjoy Christmas for many years after I moved to the United States, because it didn’t feel as special as it did when I was a child. I remembered my grandmother changing the curtains and giving the house a deep in preparation for Christmas day. Decorations were light with just lights to signify the holidays. What I do remember on Christmas Day is that I woke up to the smell of freshly baked bread and meats stewing in the pot. Later came the family sized portions of mac and cheese, rice and beans and an assortment of foods for dinner and dessert that the adults in the family helped prepare. I don’t recall gifts, but I remember waking up to this amazing day just knowing it was special. The only thing that made it special before my children, was getting cozy on my couch watching as many Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. I also watch Christmas classics like Miracle on 34th Street and the hilarious Bad Santa. Since having my first daughter, I’ve gotten a tree, decorated the house, bought gifts and made time to watch Christmas movies that both my girls have come to love. Our alternative Christmas traditions focus more on giving this year and moving forward, because this is really what the holidays and Christmas are about. It’s about family, community and giving. Even though this should already be happening throughout the year, the Christmas season reminds us to not forget. This is the kind of Christmas I want to pass on to my daughters. Whether you choose to incorporate Santa into your holidays or no Santa at all, let’s focus on the intended meaning of Christmas.

Yesterday marked a major milestone. I had my last therapy session yesterday morning and I am a bit sad that the stranger who played a significant role in my life for a few months is now gone. She listened to me, and made me feel that my voice was being heard. And now it’s gone. I started going to therapy earlier this year. Many factors brought me to the realization that I needed support. I am a wife, a mom to two toddlers, a college student, and a part time intern with a chronic illness (fibromyalgia). There were also other responsibilities outside of these roles and it added to everything. I was taking three classes, some at night. I was waking around 4:45 a.m to prepare lunches, get myself and the girls ready to take them to school by train. We were usually out of the door by 7:15 a.m and at their schools by 8 a.m. I then commuted to work for about another thirty-five minutes. Whether it was school first or work first, my schedule was always consistent with the frequent commuting. I rode the train back to pick them up, then we returned home. We then did baths, dinner and story time. After that came clean up and tons of homework that on average had me up till 12 a.m and sometimes later. If you do the math, I was getting no more than five hours on a typical night. Weekends were not any better, because I tried to cram in activities for the kids, more studying and household chores. I had no social life. Everything I did was for my children and my education. I had been doing this for a year and I was burning out quickly from both ends. I was sleep deprived and extremely fatigued all the time. I found myself going into my closet to cry more often than I could count. I didn’t want my children to see me like that. I was in more pain than I had been in a long time, but I kept pushing myself. I got frequent fibromyalgia flares that lasted longer with more fibro fog symptoms. It was bad. It was really bad. There was one incident that took place. It was so insignificant, but I had such a strong reaction to it. I was irritated by it and I let it be known. I upset my mom. The following day was Mother’s Day and I was crying to my mom in her kitchen. Even writing about it makes me want to cry. All I kept saying to my mom was, “I’m so tired mom,” while crying. Shortly after, I made an appointment at my college’s counseling center. I knew it was time to seek an objective sounding board. I could no longer tell myself I was managing things, because I wasn’t. I was barely surviving. I was hanging by the skin of my teeth. I finally had to acknowledge during our initial meetings that I wasn’t taking care of myself and I was doing such a poor job of it. I was taking care of everyone, and neglecting myself. It was only then change began to take place. The unfortunate part is this story is so common for so may women, and yet this vicious cycle keeps repeating itself decade after decade, century after century. So many factors impact our wellness, but knowing that there are resources and a community willing to help makes a world of a difference. I am happy to have gone through this painful and torturous experience, because I now have the right tools for maintaining my wellness. I am feeling better. No more crying in my closet. I fall asleep many nights with my kids, and I have many more outlets to cope with stress and anxiety. Being well is easier said than done. It is an uphill battle, and it will never be perfected, but it is worth being made a priority. A well woman is a well wife, a well mother, a well daughter and a well friend. Make the step today.

This weekend is not starting off well. I have now gotten a cold from my kids, so we’re all sick. In addition, we have to go to my daughter’s friend’s birthday party. We don’t want to miss it at all, but it is looking like we may just have to stay home. It’s going to be a cold weekend, and all I want to do is drink a never ending supply of hot cocoa with a faux fur blanket while I watch Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies with my girls. I also want to make cupcakes and play board games; our version of a cozy weekend. What are your plans this weekend? (Photo from Samantha Gades)