Shut the World Out: How to Handle Your Child's Public Tantrum or Meltdown

Learning to be a parent is an acquired skill. It is one where you learn through trial and error with love and empathy as your guide. Before I became a mom, I worked as a babysitter for a little over ten years. One of the things that I learned very early on and took into the way I parent is this; when a child is having a tantrum or meltdown in public, this is the moment to exercise shutting out the world with tunnel vision and focus on the needs of your child.

I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you have either witnessed a child having a massive meltdown in public or you yourself have been on the receiving end of that behavior from your child. I implore to every parent in that moment to be unconcerned about what others think. I repeat, please do not think about how your child is making you look. If your child is having a tantrum or a meltdown, especially without causing harm to others or damaging property, do not be concerned about what others think of you in that moment.

This is the time for you to shut out the world, employ empathy and focus on meeting the needs of your child. I can’t tell you how many times that I have gotten children to calm down in diabolical situations. When a child is going through a really deep emotional situation, it can become easy to trivialize it in other to downplay what has happened. What may seem small to you is so big to your child, and for parents tempted to reenact their own childhood, I want to ask, “Do you think your two, three, five or seven year old is really trying to embarrass you?”

Start with a Hug

Tantrums and meltdowns are usually a cry for help, a need for support or a time for parents to reevaluate their methods. I know some days are hard, especially if you have multiple children. I get the pressure of being a primary care taker, but I encourage parents to take those moments when your child is having a deeply emotional moment as a time to connect. You can start with simply giving your child a hug if they’re ready to receive one. No words are needed. Sometimes you may need to move to a quieter space in that process. Just the comfort of a hug can go a long way into helping your child feel that someone cares and understands what they are going through.

It may take some time for the tears to slow down, but again, those two minutes can make the world of a difference. What if you are in a rush or in and unsafe situation like driving, I encourage you to get to a place of safety or pause to give that much needed attention. As you work on getting to a place of safety, you can reassure your child that I hear you, and I’m not ignoring you, I just want us to get to a safe place. Then proceed to engage in this simple act of love and kindness.

Talk About It

If your child is old enough to engage in some dialogue, ask if they want to talk about it. Children tend to be extremely honest and are usually ready to share. Take that time to engage in active listening which gives you a chance to hear your child’s point of view, so that you can now respond with empathy. Don’t be quick to say anything, or it can sometimes be felt as criticism, but rather respond with short phrases like, “I hear you,” “I understand,” or “I see why that made you mad.”

Sometimes as parents we want to move past the feelings and get to the teachable moment. I have to be honest, I am guilty of doing that sometimes, but I had to learn sometimes, listening is all a child need. They don’t need a speech. Before getting to that teachable moment, be sure that you are truly hearing and listening for the purpose of connection and not simply to respond or be reactionary.

Be Solution Driven

Now that your child is hopefully a little calmer, again, shutting out everyone’s glaring eyes, take that moment to find solutions. What I liked to do was ask them “How can I help?” You might ask, why would anyone ask a two year old how can I help. All I can tell you in my over ten years of being a babysitter and nine more being a mother, do not underestimate the minds of children. They are creative thinkers if you give them a chance. This is a time to teach your children how to be solution driven rather than simply focusing on the problem.

Teaching kids to ask for help and to rind solutions for themselves is ultimately the golden standard that you want to set for children. You will be surprised that by the time they calm down that the problem doesn’t seem to even exist anymore. They can also by then figure out a way to soothe themselves without even needing your help.

With almost twenty years of being around younger children, this simple but effective strategy has worked like a charm. As we know, life ebbs and flows, but consistency helps children build trust and security in their caretakers. Knowing that they can feel safe with their emotions is the foundation of all future communication between children and their caretakers.

There is also something special about zooming into the needs of your child in those moments of distress. You get to see a child trust you more realizing that you made the time to connect with them rather than be upset or scold them for very normal behavior. By the time I got to my own children, I had perfected the art of shutting the world out, because in those moments, what I continue to realize is that what my child needed was me.