Helping Your Child Maintain Long Distance Friendships After a Move

This past weekend, we made a last minute trip to NYC to see my mom and reunite my daughters with some of their childhood friends. It was wonderful and we all had a great time. As exciting as it has been moving to another city, we miss our community of friends and the relationships we nurtured for all these years before moving away. We encountered challenges, but with some effort, we have managed to maintain the important relationships, in spite of the physical distance. 

One of the big challenges throughout this transition was maintaining balanced relationships. I did my very best to help preserve their friendships by organizing virtual play dates and video chats, but it felt like I was the only one reaching out to initiate these arrangements. I fell into the space of feeling that I was putting more effort into trying to maintain contact than they were. Nothing feels worse than when effort is not reciprocated, especially on behalf of your child whom the kids loved playing with. So I made the decision to preserve the relationships where parents participated and let the others evaporate.

This was a true life lesson for the girls knowing that some people are only meant to be in their lives for a season. 

For those who stayed, here’s how we have been able to keep those bonds with the kids, no matter the distance.

1. Both parties need to be invested

I cannot emphasize this first point enough. Maintaining a long-distance friendship requires effort from both sides. Both parties (parents) have to be equally invested in keeping the connection alive. Avoid letting the relationship become one-sided, where one person is always initiating contact or making plans. This will make or break the relationship between the children.

2. Embrace Technology

In today’s digital age, staying in touch is easier than ever. Video chat has been a great resource for the kids. Platforms like WhatsApp, Zoom, and FaceTime make it easy to have real-time conversations. It shortens the miles between us. We also share photos, videos, and updates to maintain a sense of closeness.

3. Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Having a routine ensures that you stay connected and involved in each other. This could be a weekly video call, a monthly phone call, or even a virtual coffee date. Consistency helps maintain a sense of normalcy and ensures you don’t drift apart. I even scheduled virtual play dates. There were times when we got busy and miss those appointments, but by communicating these inconveniences we manage to quickly get back on track.

4. Plan Visits

Whenever possible, plan visits to see each other. It could be for holidays, special occasions, or just because. Having something to look forward to can keep both of you excited about maintaining the friendship.

5. Adapt to Change

Conversations with the girls have been crucial in this transition. We talk about how their lives will change over time, and so will their friendships. They are learning to be flexible and willing to adapt. They are realizing that sometimes, life events might make it harder to stay in touch as frequently as before, but this doesn’t mean the friendship is any less valuable.

Maintaining long-distance friendships requires effort, commitment, and creativity. For children, that transition can be successful with the active participation of parents who understand that teaching their child to nurture these relationships is important. By leveraging technology, being intentional, and staying flexible, you can ensure that distance doesn’t diminish the bond you share. Remember, it’s the quality of your connection, not the quantity, that truly matters.

What did you do to help your children maintain their relationships after moving?