As women in today’s society, we have more responsibilities than ever, and we’re expected to excel in every role. This is not realistically possible as we all know.
We are expected to be great wives or girlfriends, great employees and a support system to friends and family. And that’s while practicing self-care, mindfulness, and still being able to make time for Saturday brunches and outings to show that we haven’t completely lost ourselves. All of this in a single lifetime.
Now, if we choose to become mothers, the strain of it all is further compounded. Many of us are the primary caretakers for the children, maintain the household, the family schedule, and work outside the home. All we pray for is a fifteen minute nap that our toddlers won’t let us have, because someone needs a third cup of chocolate milk. Forget a biut the ability to use the bathroom alone without someone trying to bulldoze the door. You will not have that peace for a couple years.
I understand that all these things are part of being a member of a family, community and a society, but there is a clear imbalance of emotional labor and responsibilities inside and outside the home, weighing heaviest on women. This puts us at a disadvantage and leaves us to carry the brunt of the work. It also increases the risk for mental health issues, because women were never meant to do this much labor alone.
Unfortunately in many homes, while dad is resting after his day job, mom is running circles around him after her own long day out in the workforce and coming home to fulfill almost all the responsibilities of taking care of her family. These are the moments when I get a burning desire to scream “Fire,” just so that I can snuff the enjoyment out his rest to draw attention to the fact that he can stop dreaming about whatever is making him smile and extend some help.
Then, we have to deal with the Judgmental Judys who always need to comment about other people’s personal parental choices. They question our choice between breast milk or formula. They judge whether we choose to be medicated or unmediated during childbirth—I mean the list goes on and on. Okay Judgy Judy, you should be happy that I fed the kid or that it came out healthy but nooooo, you need to tell me about all the developmental issues that people who don’t breastfeed or people who labor medicated can cause their children.
Then we have the single married moms. Quite the oxymoron, but it is a real status that so many women go through resulting in resentment, anger and sometimes depression. It would almost feel better to be a single parent, rather than lugging dead weight or feeling that you’re you’re mothering someone who isn’t your child. This can sometimes be repaired if the work is put in by both individuals to change the dynamics, but sometimes there is no room for that to happen and decisions need to be made.
Some days, I am so fatigued that I would love to let my kids eat Joe’s Os and cereal bars, but my guilt will not let me get away with it. Even though I know that one day without a super healthy breakfast would not harm them, I never no do it. As the person who is primarily responsible for my children’s welfare, it seems I am the only one focused on maintaining healthy habits. Why is it typically moms who care about these things? There has to be more support for women from partners.
I am aware that some women are fortunate to have men who hold up their end of this partnership, but for the most part, many women are not so fortunate. Thankfully, there is a massive shift happening where women are exposing the behavior, excuses and weaponized incompetence of partners to have the important conversations. They are also educating young women and encouraging them to ask the tough questions that can prevent future heartbreak if all parties are honest.
So to anyone overwhelmed by motherhood, work and friendships among so many other things, know you are not alone. I had a good cry in the bathroom at work three days ago, took a mental health day yesterday, and I am now ready to go back to work. Let it out ladies. Have an ugly cry if you need to, take a couple of breaths and hopefully you find comfort in conversation with a friend or professional therapist.
And try to get a fifteen minute nap and get yourself a snack.
(Photo, Getty Images)
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